One of those days, truly! So I'm outside earlier and like okay I need to get milk for the house and other items. The fuckers here don't do it themselves and since I'm visiting "Oh why not let the younger legs get what WE need!" So I tell them this and you know what they say, they inturn tell me we need food...... Duh! They in turn say we want Mickey D's. Personally its not for me, nasty and high in fat content. But I go anyways, so I get this big ass order feeling like a fat white bitch... white because everytime I'm doing something that isn't with friends or family I get my proper voice on. Which sounds like.....a white girl. So I pay and get to the second window, waiting for the shit. Get passed a few bags and the lady tells me I have to wait for "my " apple pie. So I see this fat ass just staring at me. I stare back and she stops, I hear whispering ignore it. Turns out she has told her fat ass friend to look and stare too, So now I got 2 of em staring at me and me staring back. Then its like the rest of the place see's them watching me, so they watch.
All in all it pissed me, I already had to get groceries and then these people decide they need fast food. Now I got these fat asses and there friends staring at me. So you know what I do?!..... I smile, wave and leave.
I feel like I'm getting bunched up in knots over tiny things. It pisses me off that I feel this way over nothing.
Anyways on a brighter note, I found this cool ass post on here by a fellow peer from PT. It was the shit, made me brighten up....
On a s/n maybe its PT or my greatest enemy because I've been getting on PT more often. Who knows, have to clean up a little now.
Ciao!
Friday, July 16, 2010
Monday, July 12, 2010
Human Psyche
I looked and saw the clock read 12.30 pm when I woke up. Now yes, that is late but considering I went to sleep at 6.30 ;7 am I think thats pretty good. Although, I do have things to do around 8pm tonite, but still. Nonetheless, I woke up feeling as I normally did, not hungry; sleepy; alone. All normal, mind you. So I get on PT and I see this forum post about how PT is changing and yadda yadda ya. I'm about to respond but I get sidtracked so I get on like half an hour later. You have a few posts about how, this person (the forum poster for this topic) needs to be in recovery and this other one needs to just get over it because PT changes its ways like how humans change their underwear.
It hits me then! Like a fucking boulder. PT was created as a safe haven, away from people who couldn't understand, for people who wanted to recover, for people who just needed to talk to someone who could understand. I realized then, that all these people regardless even if they do understand and they have everything the next person is diagnosed with. They are, still humans. They can claim, they have the magnitude to sit and actually think about it all on a deeper level than the "normal" can. But they can't! In the end, they still have those outside friends, they still have some ear to the "normal" world. So even if they can understand you because they are going through it with you, they will still think like "normal", even if only for a second.
Its disheartening, because the point of the site is for a community feeling, to feel safe and understood. Not still like the outcast of your school/job/family/etc. Then its even worse when people say "oh! That is normal!" or "Yea,PT tends to do that every so often." NO!NO!NO!NO! You don't condone behavior as such. Your just giving leeway to people to continue their horrible actions, who don't deserve it. PT was made for a community, not a banded site of people to talk about others easily. If that were the case you could have stayed on Facebook, or Twitter or even Myspace.
Its fairly funny, my previous post is thrown up in flames because of how flip floppy I just made this whole thing. Earlier I said its okay to justify someones actions because that is what they are taught, which isn't apart of the norm; ie. " Person A grew up in an abusive home, never had a true friend and was kept from normal activities (such as; watching tv, interacting with other people/children, going to school) They inturn believed all people were cruel and they were worthless..
Anyways Person A, believes that they are nothing, simply because of the way the were raised. Another person who, had the opposite upbringing, would see person A's upbringing as different and vice versa for the other person.
Personally,I believe people can be bad people and still be good. Do you understand? I believe you can be jaded and still be an okay person. But, this is only if I feel you have the power to grow. There some people in this world that I believe just wouldn't make it past being considered a bad person, sheerly because they can't grow.
Example: You have someone who doesn't like jewish people, but only because your family thinks they are bad people. You meet a few people, get to know them, come to find out they are jewish and they are decent people. Nothing like what you were taught. But you allow them to meet your family and your family doesn't get to know them because they are jewish. They aren't thinking about learninng or even getting to know. They accept they are jewish and put them out of their life and mind.
You have people willing to learn and people who are happy to stay in that box they have built. Those are the ones that are bad people. Not the ones who are bad but still good. The bad ones are the ones who have accepted their postion and won't try to learn a new way out of their box. The good ones are the ones who have learned a way out but want to learn another way, just incase their method falls.
Anyways, I suppose my whole day will just be on people not trying to change and in general just not thinking. So maybe its the human mind. Nonetheless I'll be on again later
Au Revoir!!
It hits me then! Like a fucking boulder. PT was created as a safe haven, away from people who couldn't understand, for people who wanted to recover, for people who just needed to talk to someone who could understand. I realized then, that all these people regardless even if they do understand and they have everything the next person is diagnosed with. They are, still humans. They can claim, they have the magnitude to sit and actually think about it all on a deeper level than the "normal" can. But they can't! In the end, they still have those outside friends, they still have some ear to the "normal" world. So even if they can understand you because they are going through it with you, they will still think like "normal", even if only for a second.
Its disheartening, because the point of the site is for a community feeling, to feel safe and understood. Not still like the outcast of your school/job/family/etc. Then its even worse when people say "oh! That is normal!" or "Yea,PT tends to do that every so often." NO!NO!NO!NO! You don't condone behavior as such. Your just giving leeway to people to continue their horrible actions, who don't deserve it. PT was made for a community, not a banded site of people to talk about others easily. If that were the case you could have stayed on Facebook, or Twitter or even Myspace.
Its fairly funny, my previous post is thrown up in flames because of how flip floppy I just made this whole thing. Earlier I said its okay to justify someones actions because that is what they are taught, which isn't apart of the norm; ie. " Person A grew up in an abusive home, never had a true friend and was kept from normal activities (such as; watching tv, interacting with other people/children, going to school) They inturn believed all people were cruel and they were worthless..
Anyways Person A, believes that they are nothing, simply because of the way the were raised. Another person who, had the opposite upbringing, would see person A's upbringing as different and vice versa for the other person.
Personally,I believe people can be bad people and still be good. Do you understand? I believe you can be jaded and still be an okay person. But, this is only if I feel you have the power to grow. There some people in this world that I believe just wouldn't make it past being considered a bad person, sheerly because they can't grow.
Example: You have someone who doesn't like jewish people, but only because your family thinks they are bad people. You meet a few people, get to know them, come to find out they are jewish and they are decent people. Nothing like what you were taught. But you allow them to meet your family and your family doesn't get to know them because they are jewish. They aren't thinking about learninng or even getting to know. They accept they are jewish and put them out of their life and mind.
You have people willing to learn and people who are happy to stay in that box they have built. Those are the ones that are bad people. Not the ones who are bad but still good. The bad ones are the ones who have accepted their postion and won't try to learn a new way out of their box. The good ones are the ones who have learned a way out but want to learn another way, just incase their method falls.
Anyways, I suppose my whole day will just be on people not trying to change and in general just not thinking. So maybe its the human mind. Nonetheless I'll be on again later
Au Revoir!!
Itchy Brains
When I look at people and then myself, I think a lot of things. Which I suppose is normal,because no matter what, your brain can multitask. Earlier today I spoke with a new acquaintance, she was telling me about her life and the people surrounding her, that are in it. There was this particular girl that stood out, simply because she told me a lot of things about her. The main thing being, she is a bitch. So instead of believing all the hearsay and just in general getting a bad report before I even met the girl, I spoke to "the bitch". Turns out she isn't so bitchy, and I learned this from speaking to her. Yes she was rude, a bit off on certain parts of the conversation but nonetheless I understood that this wasn't a bitch, this was her in general. I can understand how some people could see this as her being brought up this way, being taught this. Well ,if it is taught then why is it so bad?
Honestly, its a reasonable question, we view so many of the norms as a good thing. What about the people who view life as half full, rather than half empty? People are so quick to judge and turn on each that no one actually sits there and thinks from both sides. I can understand that yes, she can tone down the bitchy and in general just be as regular as the next. I can also understand that the person that she speaks to can turn a blind eye to things and get over it.
But they don't, some can't. When I met people who couldn't see both sides, it weirded me out. It made me so angry and then I thought " Well here I am not looking at it from both sides."
Then I realized they either didn't want to learn about the other side or they just didn't have the "lights" to truly see the other side. I'm disheartened that this is far more prevalent that I thought. Simply because we can advance in so many things but when it comes to wrapping your head around other people and their views, you only see yours. Are we that selfish? Are we that terrified that the Earth might be round? Are we truly so low on the totem pole that we believe what our eyes tell us to believe?!
Here I am getting irritated about something so menial, that all of you are most likely asking why are you getting so worked up about it, especially when you know its a small issue. I suppose I'm just tired of people saying they are living in this century when in all actuality its the 18th century.
Well its nearly 5 am here and I have yet to get sleep. Highly doubtful I'll be sleeping long, but I do have things to attend to during the day.
Ja Ne!
Still trying to work the blog
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